What happens if you are HIV+ and looking for love? I get letters frequently from single men with HIV who voice difficulties with the gay dating scene trying to find people to date. Dating can be hard enough at times, but for those with health issues or disabilities, the problems can be compounded and the sense of hopelessness and uncertainty doubled as these men question whether love is even possible for them in a gay culture that seems fixated on shallow definitions of what makes a man attractive and “viable.” ( Gay HIV Dating )
Here we list some useful dating tips for HIV gay men:
Never give up hope. Having HIV is not synonymous with always being dateless. While it is true that some men may refrain from going out with you because of your status, there are also a host of other men who don’t view that as being an issue. It’s the same thing about someone who is short, or is overweight, or has green eyes…it doesn’t matter. Love is available to everyone. Be proactive in your search and take the initiative.
- As part of defining your vision, you will have to decide your own dating preference in terms of whether you feel comfortable just dating HIV- men, HIV+ men, or if you’re indifferent to that. You will have a responsibility to any partner to disclose your status before becoming sexual. It’s best to reveal this earlier than later in your getting-to-know-you stage, but you will want to pace this at the level of intimacy you’re comfortable with.
- Rejection comes with the territory when you’re dating; learn how to become resilient in the face of this and avoid placing any expectations on the outcomes of your dating ventures. Remember this important point: if a man rejects you because of your HIV status, he did you a favor! You don’t want to be with him anyway. He helped you narrow down your screening for compatibility and you now have the energy to channel yourself toward more viable prospects. Your status was rejected, not you as a person because he didn’t know you. An HIV+ status did not align with his needs list for a partner. Your needs and values didn’t match; it’s nobody’s fault.
- Build your social skills so you feel more confident in dating situations; strengthen your assertiveness; build a support system as a resource for companionship and support, find constructive ways to manage loneliness, practice good self-care of your mind, body, and soul, etc.
- Finding a boyfriend is not the pathway to solving all of your problems. Remember to attend to all the different parts of your life and enjoy life to the max, thereby taking the emphasis off of dating; snagging a guy along the way would then become an added bonus.
- Combat negative self-talk that might set you up for failure. If you think that nobody will want to date you because of your status, you could create the very situation you don’t want to have happen. The Law of Attraction states that we commonly get back what we put out there to others. Like attracts like. Avoid creating any of these self-fulfilling prophecies and adopt a more positive and optimistic mindset.
- During those difficult times when it seems like you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work, preserver. Try to take stock of what you’re thankful and grateful for in life and create a list of appreciations and affirmations that will help keep you centered and moving forward. Dating and securing a true goodness-of-fit with someone takes time and great care.
For more HIV dating information, please check http://www.hivpositivedatingsites.net