I actually found somebody on Hiv positive dating sites whom I am dating.

We corresponded approximately two weeks, maybe a few days more, before arranging a date. This was actually kind of funny. We chatted using the PS message system for a few weeks, then I gave her my email address, just to make communication easier for her (I had a premium account, which made things easy for me because I got notified via email that I had a PS message; but she had a non-paid account, which made things a little less convenient for her). I had to give her my email in code so it wouldn’t get caught in the PS filters. I think it was along the lines of “tonyhikes at gee male.”Via email, we decided we were ready for a date, but also decided it would be best to chat via phone first, so (again, in code), I gave her my phone number. Once on the phone, we arranged a date at a fairly new but already popular restaurant in Charlotte,Tupelo Honey, for a night about 5 days to a week in the future. But then, the next day, at her texted request, we arranged a “pre-date” meeting, which was explicitly “not a date,” at a bar in a very hip part of Charlotte called NoDa, where we chatted for about 90 minutes. This made our actual first date, which was about three days later, less tense because we already had met. Smart of her, don’t you think?We just met, been on three dates (not counting the “pre-date”). We’re both open to the idea of marriage, not necessarily to each other, but to the idea of marriage. We’re both divorced (once each) and are 1. not sure we want to go there again; and 2. going to be very careful if we do decide to go there again. But, perhaps more to your point, we are both talking and thinking as if we have a future together, though how long a future that turns out to be, I don’t know. I will say for myself that if for some reason it ended tomorrow, it would have been a successful experience in every way.

The way I used PS went like this: I didn’t go trolling the site for people. I just put up my profile and every few days to a week, I would check to see who had viewed my profile and base my decisions about whom to contact that way. I probably contacted about three to four women, though none of them resulted in anything more than a few back-and-forth messages. Only the last one resulted in an actual meeting. I think it would be safe to say that we’re both pretty picky.

Finally:I based my decision to contact her on a combination of 1. her ability to express and describe herself in complete, grammatical sentences and paragraphs containing words that were spelled properly and used correctly; 2. the content of those words and paragraphs, which revealed with wit and in detail not just her statistics and a list of what she likes and dislikes, but her actual personality; and 3. her photos, which were not anonymous, grainy, half-hidden snapshots but thoughtful, artful and honest representations of herself. This combination of things not only led me to believe we might get on, but also told me this was an honest and thoughtful person who was truly interested in finding someone for a serious, open and frank relationship. I would encourage you to encourage others on the site to do what both she and I did: Dig deep within yourself to truly give others a frank, funny, slightly self-deprecating portrait of yourself. Too many of the profiles I looked at were superficial, cloaked, half-baked (or unbaked) words and images that appeared to be upchucked on the screen with little thought or work. It takes a little work to write something meaningful. Perhaps you could suggest that users of your site ask their friends and family members for insights into their personalities that they can use instead of saying things like, “Well, what can I say about myself?” That tells me nothing, which leads me to believe the person has no depth and is not taking this process very seriously. Also, get someone who has some education to proofread what you write!!! Thanks.

 

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